


It's Raining In Kansas

by midnightsvoid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, Human Castiel, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 06:52:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14868839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightsvoid/pseuds/midnightsvoid
Summary: Losing his grace, doesn't sit well with Cas.





	It's Raining In Kansas

It was raining for the first time in months in Kansas.

The clouds had come together slowly; the sky changing from clear blue to a dull grey. Dean knew this because he was driving from the grocery store and back to the bunker when it was happening.

The sky drizzled when he drove the car in the garage and by the time he shut the gate it was pouring heavily. He grabbed the bags and walked inside the not-so-surprisingly-quiet war room. It had been that way the past few weeks.

Cas losing his grace and becoming human hadn’t settled well with anyone. But for obvious reasons it was worse for Cas. 

  
Though it hadn’t been like that at the start. In fact, Cas seemed happy at least happy (in a sense how happy Cas is), but then he just started to worsen day by day. Both Sam and Dean had been trying their best to help him but he was slowing closing off everyone and everyone was Sam, Dean and Mittens.

Mittens was the little kitten Dean had gotten Cas (which had been loitering near the bunker ever since it lost its mother) in hopes to cheer him up. After Dean figured that Cas had practically adopted the cat already since he fed him more consistently than he fed himself, cleaned him with the tub and sponge (the new expensive ones Dean had gotten for Baby) and even walked with it in the (sort of) backyard that the Bunker had.  
Dean hadn’t mentioned anything to him about it though. He thought that if it kept Cas happy then there was that.

A few times Dean had seen Cas leaving some of his food in his plate when they had dinner and leaving the room quickly. Dean didn’t mind him feeding the little thing, it was just that Cas shouldn’t feed him  _his_ food, if he wanted Dean would get him some cat food.

So one day when Dean was busy washing the dish he saw Cas entering the kitchen with his empty plate half and hour later.

“You feeding the cat?” Dean asked as he grabbed the plate Cas had soundlessly kept on the counter next to the sink.   
Dean turned around to look at him but Cas’ only glanced at Dean’s face before fiddling with his hands. A nervous habit Cas had picked up and was growing to use more and more these day.

“Hey, it’s okay” Dean said softly before placing the dish in the sink and walking up to him. “I’m not mad at you.”

Cas looked up, his eyes a bit wide “You don’t mind me feeding it?”

Dean smiled reassuringly “Of course not, but y'know you could’ve just told me you wanted to feed it, I would’ve gotten you the cat food they always advertise on TV, instead of you sneaking your own food to it.”

Cas fiddled with his fingers again “I was worried you wouldn’t like it, so I kept it a secret”

'Yeah well you're not stealthy," Dean said giving him a lingering pat on the shoulder “Do you want to watch a movie? I’m just done with the dishes, we could watch one of your animal ones--er what was the one with the dog and cat again?”

“Bolt” Cas supplied with a small smile.

“Yeah,” Dean grinned “so I take that as a yes?”

And it was like that for the first week or so but then as things tend to get in a Winchester’s life, things went downhill.

  
Dean looked around the war room “Sam?” He called out “Cas?” He added though it was futile.  
Sam walked in, some thick book in his hand which he kept on the table before walking towards the shopping bags.  
“Grocery run okay?” He asked, checking all the bags.  
Dean just nodded with a tired sigh “Had to fight good ol’ Margaret for the last batch of cat food”   
Sam huffed a laugh, it was a Oh-I-Know-What-A-Fight-With-Her-Is-Like laugh. “She scratched me on my face the last time that happened” he said “I swear living with fifteen cats has her behaving like cats.”

“Yeah well, at least I got Mittens there his food” and as if he heard him, a white fur ball walked in on all fours meowing and walking towards Dean and nestling against his feet.   
Poor fella had been deprived of affection from Cas for over a week.

“Any luck with Cas?” He asked reaching down and scratching the kitten on his head. It purred and nestled closer.  
Sam frowned, shaking his head “I tried to get him to come out, to distract him with some hunting work y'know, research and such but he won’t even open the door for me. He hasn’t eaten his breakfast from morning either, nor his lunch”  
  
Dean sighed again. This was getting way out of hand. Cas was human now and needed to eat and drink like a normal human, hell he even needed to urinate and take a bath.  
“I’ll go talk to him” he said “Can you-?” He asked referring to the groceries bags.

Sam nodded and smiled a sad smile “Yeah don’t worry”

Dean gave a tight smile back before walking out the room and down the corridor towards Cas’ room. He made sure Cas’ room was near to both of them incase something happened during the night. All he could think about these days was last weekend’s incident.

A series of weird happenings were going on in Illinois so the boys were off. Mittens was left in the bunker, his food and water supply maintained and checked thoroughly. Cas wanted to stay at home and Sam agreed but Dean insisted it was better if he just came along just in case.

Sam had been out questioning the witnesses and gathering information for a hunt they were on, while Dean and Cas stayed in the motel room. Dean was worn out by driving more than nine hours so he went and hit the hay soon after they booked the room.

“Cas you need to take a shower man, it’s not hygienic, you could get sick. Besides it’ll help you.” Dean had told him before he went to sleep. They had this talk before they left the bunker but Cas didn’t listen then.

It was hours after that Dean woke up from his phone ringing. It was Sam.   
“Hmm?” He answered groggily.

“So get this, I spoke to a few people and most of them have no clue what happened. I went back to the library, dug up some history and well turns out the same thing happened in the space of a decade for the last fifty years and-….” Dean tuned out, realising that Cas wasn’t in the room. There were a pair of fresh clothes on the chair next to the bathroom.

“Dean?” Sam spoke from the other side and Dean focussed back on the call “Yeah I’m listening”

“Yeah so like I said, I’m gonna head to the diner across the library now, get something to eat. Want me to get you a burger or something?”

“Get me and Cas a burger and some extra fries for him.”

“Is he alright” Sam asked and it was the ‘He hasn’t gone numb in the corner yet has he?’ Or ‘He doesn’t miss Mittens enough to want to go back right now, does he?’

“Uh no-yeah he’s in the shower.”

“He’s still in the shower?” He could sense the frown on his face.  
It took Dean a few seconds to notice what was odd about it. His eyes wandered to the the rickety clock on the wall which read 2 am.   
He had fallen asleep at nine.

“I’ll talk to you later Sam, gonna check on Cas.”

“Oh-okay sure yeah. See you in an hour or so.”

Dean placed his phone on the table, instantly getting up to walk towards the bathroom.  
“Cas?” He knocked twice, waiting for a response. He could hear the water running but no response. He knocked again, growing worried “Cas?” He asked weakly, “I’m coming in”

Dean opened the busted door with a force, before entering the mouldy bathroom, meeting with a whip of steam. The glass around the shower was translucent and he could barely make out Cas. He approached him with caution noticing that he was not moving at all.   
The water was hot enough to make his skin red and angry but Cas seemed numb. Dean hurried towards him turning the water off and placing a hand on Cas’ shoulder “Buddy, hey Cas look at me.”  
Dean tried again sliding his hand from his shoulder to his face, slowly tracing his thumb on his cheek, wiping the water droplets. Dean rarely allowed himself such intimate touches not knowing what sort of response they’ll cause from Cas. But right now he looked distant, his eyes seemed as in they were looking far off. “Look at me Cas” he said softly then caressed his face.   
It seemed as if Cas woke from a dream, his eyes wandered over Dean’s face as if recognising him.  
“Dean” his voice rough from speaking so little. He glanced towards Dean’s fingers on his face before looking down a sad look playing its way on his face. “Dean I--I’m sorry.” he said lowly.

Something twisted in the pit of his stomach. He wasn’t thinking straight but his brain seemed to function enough to grab and towel and wrap it around Cas. If Cas didn’t bring his hands to hold the towel Dean would think he’d gone numb again.

They didn’t speak, not when Cas changed his clothes and not when Dean got him the strawberry granola bar from the stash in his duffel bag he kept specifically for Cas.

Dean walked towards the end of the room. He suddenly had a hot prickling feeling inside his body, he felt suffocated and- he wanted to punch something, he wanted to kill a monster and he wanted to smash a beer bottle on someone’s head but at the same time he wanted to save Cas, he wanted to protect him despite not knowing who he needed protection from. But more than that he just wanted him to be happy.  
It was about time their lives took a turn towards something better, especially Cas’ cause Dean and Sam they were used to this, this fucked up Winchester life. But Cas,  _dear God_ Cas was new to all of this, the guy,  _this guy_ who dragged Dean out from hell, who disobeyed orders, who risked his life now and again for Dean’s sake, who gave everything for Dean and Dean who selfishly took it all again and again and again until he finally sucked him dry, until Cas, because Dean couldn’t for once help him without bitching about his own duties lost the only thing that was the most dear to him, his grace.

“I-Cas” he struggled for words, because if he was going to do something right for once then this was it. He’ll help Cas in anyway he could, he wouldn’t let him drown himself in his own depression and his self-hating feeling of worthlessness because Dean knows what it’s like to go there, to go down that road.   
“I don’t want you to apologise.” he said looking up from where he was sitting on his bed.  
He got up and sat on the space Cas had in front of his feet. Cas looked up, the granola bar barely eaten in his hand. Dean reached out and slightly pushed it towards his mouth, at which Cas just frowned but Dean insisted “Cas please, just eat it. You haven’t had anything all day, you’re basically starving yourself and I’m worried”

“I don’t mean to add to more of your distress” Cas said, and Dean knows he doesn’t “I know I’m already being stubborn about everything I do, but please know I don’t want to do it all, it just-I’m a failure. I’m a failure and being an angel and I’m a failure at being human.”

“That’s not true.”

“Dean don’t you see? All I’ve done is hurt people; I’ve hurt my sibling, I sent them away from their home, I’ve destroyed innocent lives , I’ve hurt my friends and I’ve hurt you.” He looked up and met Dean’s eyes, his eyes full of guilt, the most emotion Dean had seen Cas show in the last weeks. “I can-I can never forgive myself for hurting you Dean.”

“Half of that shit wasn’t your fault. Sure you screwed up a few times, but that’s what every Winchester does” Dean responded.

“Dean my sibling are all trapped outside their home, I took their home Dean and now they’re fighting amongst themselves and shedding blood, it’s all my fault.”

“Cas-”

“I’m a monster Dean!” Cas shouted, his eyes brimmed with tears “I’m a monster and a- a murderer and I just wish you’d stop pitying me and leave me to die instead.”

“Cas!” Dean said holding his by his shoulders “Listen to me man, please just listen to me. You are not a monster, God, you’re anything but a monster. You’ve made mistakes in life but Cas we all have and I know that doesn’t nearly make up for the shit we’ve done but this is not the way. You can’t close yourself off from this world. You can’t go on hating yourself. This isn’t your penance. I know what that douchebag did to the Angels and we’ll get him for that and we’ll find a way to get them back into heaven, but man please just stay with me here and stop hurting yourself cause I need you, I can’t lose you--not after everything.”

It was silent after that. Cas didn’t say anything and neither did Dean, but when Dean stood up after he made sure Cas ate the granola bar, to go to bed, Cas grabbed on to him hand and asked an unspoken question. Dean didn’t hesitate with the answer. Wordlessly he took off his damp socks before climbing next to Cas.

Cas fell asleep after that or at least Dean thought he did from his even breaths. Dean was awake most of the night thinking about well,  _everything_. He wrapped one arm around Cas at some point when Cas brought his face closer to him.   
He doesn’t know when ultimately Cas will get better but he knows one thing and it’s that he won’t let him go.

  
Dean stopped in front of Cas’ room, the door half open. “You in there?” He knocked before opening it.   
The walls of the room were still bare and so was the floor. Even after a month of living here Cas hadn’t bothered to decorate or add any personal touch to it. If Dean hadn’t forced Cas to buy some clothes and shoes and keep them in the wardrobe Dean would still have that fear now and again that Cas might leave someday.  
It still gave Dean’s stomach a twist when he didn’t find Cas in the room. A wave of panic washed over him and called out Cas’ name in the corridor.

It took him fifteen minutes to search the whole bunker despite the size, halfway through the second search he found Sam in the library who without a second thought began to search with him.  
“Maybe he’s gone to get some air, a walk” Sam tried to reason, as he watched his brother panic.   
Dean’s thoughts were getting cloudy and out of control and the only thing he could think was  _he left._

Without thinking twice Dean rushed out the bunker, not bothering to even wear a jacket.   
It was when he stepped out he realised that it was raining heavily. Dean swore before looking around. It was cold and grey outside, perfect for an intense scene if Dean’s life was one of those heartbreaking movie. The rain was fast and heavy and in only a few minutes was Dean left soaking wet. He thought about returning back to the bunker about trying to call Cas cause there is no way he could’ve gone far in this weather. When he took a few steps back he found Mittens, a small bundle of wet fur sitting in the corner trying to walk forward, but too afraid to do so.   
Hurriedly Dean took off his plaid shirt before he picked him up and shielding him with his plaid.

“You sonofabitch” Dean shook his head at it.

“He’s actually a son of a cat” he heard Cas’ deep voice behind him and cursed before turning around.   
Cas stood in front of him, wearing a thin shirt which was soaking wet. But what shocked Dean, was the small smile on Cas’ lips which Dean had been dying for so long to see.   
“Hello Dean” he smiled and he reminded Dean of Cas the Angel of the Lord, the Cas who saved Dean from Hell, the Cas who was out on a mission, the Cas who destroyed the archangel Michael, the Cas who stepped forward to take on the leader of the Leviathans, and most importantly he looked like his Cas.

“Isn’t it pleasant here” he said softly, looking at Dean’s face then at the sky. His eyes squinted but he kept on staring, as the rain kept pouring. He looked happy.

Dean wanted to be furious at him, to be angry for getting him that worried, but he felt all that anger wash away with the rain. Instead he spoke lowly “I was worried about you Cas, you scared me back there.”

“I didn’t want to worry you it’s just I saw that it was about to rain so I had been out since. Youween't home then.” Cas turned to face him again “I want to show you something, if that not a problem”

Dean frowned “Okay, but can it wait after the rain finishes I’m soaking man”

“It’ll only take a few minutes” Cas said, lighting pulling Dean by his sleeve.   
Dean obliged settling Mittens against his shirt. “Mittens’ gonna be sick y'know”

“Mitten likes the rain, but there is shelter- a tree if you come with me” he gave him a smile and Dean followed after him. 

  
Cas led him past the road and towards the grassy area in the backyard. Where a tree stood in the corner. Small pink flowers bloomed, the rain water showering from above.   
Dean would be lying if he said this sight didn’t look beautiful (he’ll die before he called it beautiful).  
“It’s nice” Cas spoke from beside him “isn’t it”

“Nice doesn’t begun to cover it” Dean said voice low “so this is your secret spot huh?”

“It’s not a secret, you and Sam just don’t have time to observe nature.”

“Yeah, well” is all Dean said, before taking a step towards Cas who had a smile on his face as the rain poured down. “You look happy Cas, like really happy.”

Cas met Dean’s eyes “This makes me happy Dean”

Dean swallowed looking away. He heard Cas speak after a while “This, all of this it reminds me of my past self, when I was an angel-”

“Cas Angel-you and human-you it's all the same to me-” Dean started but Cas cut him off, shaking his head.

“It reminds me of my past self. I have been around since the beginning of time, and I have experienced everything more than any human has but yet standing here in this rain with you and Mittens, I feel as if I haven’t experienced a thing. I watched the rain so many times, your human figures won’t be able to keep track, yet it feels as if I’m watching a completely different thing. No one can begin to fathom what being an angel feels like but these little human joys and wonders, they’re, they can’t be a expressed” Cas closed his eyes, and breathed in.

Dean wished he could capture the sight in front of him.

“These last few weeks, ever since I lost my grace I slowly felt as if I was losing everything, as if I lost myself. It was… difficult to say the least. I knew I was being ungrateful. You and Sam did so much for me and all I did was to add to your worry, I know it was wrong of me,” he looked back at Dean, bringing one hand to pet Mittens who mewed in appreciation “I want to apologise, I know it won’t be easy for me or for you, I am stubborn and I know I can’t use my powers to help you all-”

“Cas I don’t give a jackass-” Dean became quiet as Cas brought his other finger to his lips, silencing him this time with a glare, but Dean saw right through it.

“I’m trying to apologise if you’ll let me. I’m not the only one who’s stubborn you know. As I was saying I won’t be able to use my powers, but I promise I’ll help you with your hunts if you’ll train me, I’ll try to carry my own weight. I promise I’ll try to better than I’ve been in the past but all I hope and ask is that you’ll be patient with me”

Cas removed his finger and Dean took it as a sign to speak but the only thing that came to his mouth at the moment was:

“Can I kiss you Cas?”

Cas looked bewildered by the sudden question “Are you serious?”

“No I’m Dean, and I would very much like to kiss you if you’ll let me” Dean rolled his eyes.

“Yes.”

With Mittens between them Dean leaned in, and so did Cas. Hesitantly at first their lips met, and it was soft and pleasant and wet and Dean might’ve gasped when Cas opened his mouth and his tongue touched his lips.   
He brought his other hand to lightly touch Cas’ face, his thumb traced his cheek and Cas smiled.   
It would’ve gotten heated if Mittens hadn’t started scratching Dean’s hand for affection so they broke away, but not before Dean managed to kiss him once more.

“Alright Gloves I see you I see you- ow” Dean said adjusting the kitten with one hand.

“His name's not Gloves” Cas said and Dean snorted, before smiling fondly “I get that”

Cas touched Dean’s hand from where he was touching his face, his glance a bit nervous “Should I take it that you’ll accept me.”

Dean stared at their joined hands, all wet and firm “Cas this will probably sound like those long romantic speeches the give in the movies, but bear with me yeah?  
I know our past haven’t been normal, they’ve been anything but normal but that’s just who we are. There are still things we might’ve not forgiven each other about or told for that matter but even after what we’ve been through I never once considered you a burden Cas, sure you’re clueless as fuck sometimes but that’s just who you are and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Ever since you lost your grace I know it hasn’t been easy but again when have our lives been easy and I’m not saying it doesn’t matter but it’s that we’ll work this out and I know I’m not the easiest person to work out with but like you said patience right? So we’ll be patient with each other and-”

Dean shut up when he felt Cas’ lips on his. He turned his head slowly, their nose touching, as water dripped down their faces. “That’s a-that’s a good way to shut me up in future” Dean murmured and connected their lips again.

  
It should rain often in Kansas, Dean thought.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed it!  
> This was originally posted on my tumblr last year.  
> Also I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, I didn't proofread.


End file.
